Bismillah Khan Yuva Puraskar

Here's a photo of the ceremony!

And review of my concert:

http://www.hindu.com/fr/2009/09/18/stories/2009091850310200.htm

More later.

My battle with addiction

I have always believed that art becomes truly great when somewhere you can connect to it. When it stops being someone else's story and becomes your own. Which is why I would rather sing about human emotions than on the various attributes of one of the Navagrahas (of course Dixitar krithis are absolutely wonderful- dont get me wrong).

The Mahabharata is one such great piece of art where each one of us can find something to identify with. Recently, I worked with a dancer - Chitra Chandrashekar- in presenting the story of Kunti, at a dance festival in Chennai.

The character of Kunti itself is very powerful, with layers and layers beneath the surface. But, by and large, it is the story of a mother, of sacrifice, of being a pawn in the hands of fate. Nothing much there for me to really relate to....

However, in the very end, after the Kurukshetra war, right there on the battlefield, Kunti decides to renounce all material ties - her family, her beloved sons- and live in the forest for the rest of her days. The text was ' Sneha Paasham imam Chhindhi' (rid me of bonds of attachment). Chitra depicted this in a beautiful way - she removed her dancing anklets (bells) on stage and walked off.

I didnt think much of it at the moment, but a few days ago, the memory of this scene came back, and I felt a stirring deep inside. I suddenly realised that for most artists, their art is an addiction, just like drugs, alchohol or smoking. I am into music because I am addicted to the thrill of performing, of applause, of hearing my voice. Till then, I had always been of the opinion that my choice of staying with music and 'not giving in to corporate greed', was a sacrifice. Suddenly I realised it wasn't- in fact, the opposite. For me to be able to say 'Hah! I really dont care about singing' would be the biggest sacrifice. At that moment, I would be in control of the music, rather than music controlling me.

But can I? That calls for a lot of courage. To imagine a life where being a musician does not define me....that's scary! So the next morning, I re read the section in my website called 'My story', where I talk of choices. But maybe it was not a choice I made after all....maybe it was just my inability to break free of the addiction.

Do they have rehab for artists, anybody?